Good Day..

Well today was a pretty nice day. My Mom, Abby and I got up this morning and did a little shopping. We had a good time! Justin slept in till like 1pm I think...I can't remember the last time that I slept that late. :/ After he woke up we all wen to Wichita to meet My Dad and his wife Nancy, then we did a little more shopping. Abby did not have a nap today so she was worn out and ready for all the shopping business to be done. She is not much of a shopper. Unless that is, it is for her. Haha.
I did get me an exercise bike today and I am pretty pumped about that. I am ready to get into shape and get rid of these extra pounds for sure. I decided to start another blog today just about my getting healthy journey in hopes that it will help me stick with it! So I will be posting my progress on there daily and I will be able to see it all for myself. I really think that I am ready for a life change. I think that this is my time to get rid of the bad and bring in the good. I hope that I continue to stay this excited about it. But I guess that we will see how that goes.

Tomorrow we don't have much planned. I think that we will do brunch at my Moms and then back home to finish cleaning up and finish all the laundry. Yea I know, Not so much fun. I seriously amazes me how many times a 4 year old can change clothes in one day. WOW...And her Daddy is just as bad. So there is never an end to the laundry around here.
Well I guess that I am off to bed. Man the weekends go by way to fast!!!

Ashley

Happy....

Soooo glad it is the weekend!!! The weeks seem longer and longer everyday at work.:( I did get out of work early today, which was very nice and went and got my baby girl and we came home and took a nap. It was wonderful. I am sure that we will be up late tonight since we napped till like 7:30 pm... Yea I am sure that was not the best thing to do but we were so dang worn out today. We don't have big plans for the weekend. I think that we will just be lazy and hang out at the house. There are so many things I could do around here so maybe I will get motivated soon and get it all done. Ok yea that is pretty doubtful but it was a thought.

Well I still have not seen Eclipse and I am just about to die. I need an Edward fix. I think that I have going to have to watch Twilight and New Moon this weekend just to get by and then I hope that I will be able to see Eclipse soon!!

Rambling.....

Well for starters it was a LONG day! Work lasted forever. I don't remember work always feeling like it last forever. I think that I may just be ready to stay at home with my baby girl. But at thins point in my life it is not possible. I hope soon it will be. I guess until then I will have to suffer like most everyone else.

Change.....

I have had alot of things on my mind and when I read Stephanie's Blog part of it was just what I was thinking about. People Changing....It takes alot for people to change and I think that for some it is impossible. My husband, Justin, has been dealing with his brother being a drug addict for a long time now and it has not done anything but rip his family apart. I know that there are certain things that people can change but I think that when it come to their life style (drugs, drinking) it becomes very close to impossible for them to change. I can't relate to the side with the addiction but I can relate to the side that is dealing with someone with an addiction. My Dad was an alcoholic for pretty much all of my childhood and I had to deal with that all of my life. He is one of the few that did change his life around but it took him a long time. There is so many things that he missed and he will never be able to get back. It makes me so sad to think of how many people are dealing with the same situation. It is really hard for me to truly understand addictions. I dealt with it with my Father and then my Husband...it was a different addiction but still causes the same pain to the everyone involved. Thankfully my Husband is sober now but that does not mean that we are not still dealing with the past. I have major issues with trust. People say that if you don't have trust in a relationship that you don't have a relationship. Well that is pretty true. Over time it has gotten easier for us but I wonder if we will always have issues with it? I just don't get how people can be so selfish when it comes to the things that they do as addicts. It will never make sense to me. I hear people make up excuses about how it is the drugs or whatever and that is all fine and dandy but you have a choice and you can choose to do or not to do. Maybe I am looking at it the wrong way but I think that no matter what the addiction is I think that person has the last say and can make a choice on what they want out of their life. Justin's twin brother is addicted to meth. I think that I already mentioned that but anyway, that is his life. Everything that he does revolves around meth, how to get it, where to get and when he is going to get to do it next. And if you ask him, he has a great life and loves what he does. He has no worries about anyone but himself. He is 27 years old, lives with his Mother and has no job. She will continue to support him and his drug habit until he dies or she dies. In the mean time her other 3 children have no Mother....At this point she has became addicted to his addiction. It is sad for everyone involved and some feel sorry for his brother but I don't. He has done this to himself and that is that. If that makes me a bad person ok but I have dealt with this my whole life and I know that if he really wanted to get sober then he would. He loves everything about himself. He loves the addiction, the attention and everything that comes with it. So NO I will NEVER feel sorry for him. Has he had a rough life??? Not any different than his 3 siblings. He has no excuse. He is a grown ass man. I know that my husband has a really hard time with it all. I have 2 brothers and I would never want to be in this situation with them but at the same time I wish that he would not fall for ever single line that his brother throws his way. It just ends up hurting him more in the end.

So to sum up my thoughts on change, it amazes me when people truly change and I have not had much amazement in my life when it come to this!

Well I think that is enough rambling for tonight. As you can read I could go on and on about this subject. Ashley

So Proud...

There was this man I once knew..I called him Papa. He was by far the Greatest Man I ever knew. There was never a time when I was unhappy around him. He could make anyone smile. He was a hard working farmer for so many years and I only dreamed of marring a man a great as he. I knew that I would not come close to meeting someone as wonderful as him. I don't think that I ever will. I have never in my life seen someone love someone the way that my Papa loved my Memaw. I think that is a once in a lifetime thing to see and if you experience it yourself then you should consider yourself damn lucky. It is a really beautiful thing to see, when you are in the room with two people and you can just look at them and tell that they are as happy as can be and there is no one else in the world that would come close to making them feel the way that they feel now. Have you ever been with someone who gave just as much to the relationship as you did? Usually relationships are one sided. I think in the beginning the two people have good intentions and will go out of their way to do things for one another but over time that fades. That is something that never happen between my Memaw and Papa, there was no room for selfishness. The marriage that they had people only dream about. I still do dream about it and I have been married for 5 years today. I know that there is not any relationship that is perfect but I think that theirs was pretty close.
I think the hardest thing is to lose someone that you love. The hardest day of my life is when my Papa was dying of cancer and there was nothing that we could do for him. And through it all He was the strongest person in the family. He held us all together. The is the most unselfish thing that someone can do. I had a very hard time dealing will my Papa passing away. I can't even begin to imagine how my Memaw felt...Losing the love of her life and knnow that when it was all said and done she would have to go back to their home alone. My Papa was ready when the time came, all he was worried about was his family and how we would deal afterwards.
Something I wil never forget as long as I live is when he was holding her telling her how much he loved her and just wanted her to be happy the rest of her life and he would be waiting on her when it was her time. That was the most beautiful moment ever. You could see the love that had done nothing but grown through the years still shining. Amazing.
I can tell you right now for a fact that I will never meet someone as wonderful and great as my Papa. I love you and miss you very much!


Ashley

My Wedding Day 6/23/2005

Long Day....

Work lasted forever today. I don't know why this week has been creepin by but it has and I am just ready for it to be over already!

Tomorrow will My Husband and I have been married for 5 years. I really can't believe it. We have been through so much together. He is not the easiest person and neither am I. I know that 5 years does not sound like a very long time but I can tell you that with all that has happened in the 5 years that we have been married, It is a LONG time. :) The road was pretty rough with lots of ups and downs. In the beginning I didn't think that we would have any problems with marriage. We were together for about 4 years before we got married and got along great. I always would hear people say that "things" change as soon as you get married, men and women would say that. I never thought that would happen to us. Well it did and I really don't know how or why it did. It really is the craziest thing. I used to tell people that "things" only change if you let them. Well everyone should know that "things" will change weather you let them or not. I wish that I could figure it out.
Now don't get me wrong, I love my husband. I love him very much. Things just change. You have no control over it. And I am that girl who likes to have things my way all the time. I like to be the Boss. So when something happens and I can't do anything about it....I don't enjoy it too much.
All in all I love my husband and am very happy, at the moment. J/K :) I am very happy to be celebrating 5 years with him!

The In-laws

My husband has had so much going on with his family. I think that he is at his breaking point. He has a twin brother and he is a addicted to meth and anything else that he can get his hands on. I can't even begin to imagine what my husband is going through dealing with his brother and all the things that he is doing. It is really hard for me to talk to him about it because I can never say anything positive. And I know that he is tired of hearing all of the negative things about his brother. But his brother has no desire to get his life together and he will do nothing but continue to use whoever allows him to. I have been done with it all for quite sometime now but it will not go away. Justin has not been able to sleep and has not been himself for the past couple of weeks since his brother has been MIA. I am just at a loss on what to do for him. The only good thing that has come out of all this mess is that Justin and his oldest sister Melanie are spending more time together and have been talking more. I really hope that continues for his sake. He needs to have someone in "his family" there for him. I know that things happen for a reason...and that what does not kill you makes you stronger but I am really ready for all of this to end.
My Mom always told me to marry an orphan....And yea I did not listen to her. I know now that no matter what it is that your Mother is talking about, you should always listen!!!!

Ashley

First time Blogger

Just started my Blog. I have been meaning to do this for a couple of weeks but have been busy with my husbands family drama and have not had time. So I am finally taking the time tonight. I should have been blogging while all the drama was going on. It was a mess.
Anyway, I am ready for the weekend. My cousin Josh is getting married on Saturday. I am sure that we will have a great time. Anytime with the fam is a good time. I will just be happy that I am not at work. I think this week has been the longest week ever! I really don't think that it is going to end. The sad thing about it is that the weekend will fly by and I will soon be complaining about next week being forever long. Come on Friday!:o)